-I dislike Nazi uniforms almost as much as I dislike the people that wear them, ie. Nazis. And to a lesser extent, Prince Harry and like-minded giblet-heads who want to make an edgy joke at Halloween parties.
-Similarly, I dislike Hermès belt buckles almost as much as I dislike the people that wear them, ie. disproportionately wealthy English toffs, international bankers, Russian oligarchs and Arab oil barons at leisure.
-The only reason I can gather that these people choose to wear such a gaudy statement above their crotch is to display that they are moneyed enough to drop 500 quid on something that effectively stops your trousers from sliding down your arse.
-What it actually displays is that they are stupid enough to waste money on such sartorial trivialities, and insecure enough to have to follow the lead of their ‘Tod’s loafers ate my brain!’ peers.
-I get resentful about how often I see beautiful women cavorting with men wearing Hermès belts, as they are, for the most part, some of the most unattractive specimens of masculinity you are likely to encounter. And while I would like to believe that perhaps they are having meaningful, loving relationships based on trust and mutual affection, I am sadly far more convinced that the ‘H’ belt is a signifier of the unwritten jet set couples’ contract that follows the form of ‘I will provide you a lavish lifestyle with little-to-no difficulty, and in return you will allow me to display you as a wife to my family and friends while I pursue my appetite for undernourished prostitutes and cocaine’.
-This bothers me, as I’m sure it does you. And for the record, Hermès in general are a fairly naughty little institution. I once found a small white face cloth in the Hermès store in Oslo, which was priced at 2950 Kronor, which is roughly 300 pounds. You didn’t read that wrong. A face cloth. For 300 smackers. Gotta have something nice and soft to wipe the sweat from one’s brow after a hard day relaxing on the yacht, wouldn’t you agree?
They are like magnets, put one on and an anorexic model will stick to your crotch.
ReplyDeleteFortunately for me, my crotch has an in-built anorexic model magnet - statement belts are for people with lots of financial assets and no mojo
ReplyDelete