She's actually not wearing a Santa hat, but if the
great Gil Elvgren had wanted to put her in one, this
little lady would have got a free pass.
Not you, though.
-I doubt I need to go into too much detail here. They have nothing to do with goodwill, peace on earth, compassion, altruism, or a newborn Christ covered in hay and placenta, which is what Christmas should be all about, if you choose to get on board with it, which I don’t.
-They are most commonly coupled with a can of Super Tennents and a request for spare change, which makes me very sad during winter.
-I’ve never gotten over the discovery that Father Christmas isn’t real, and these hats are an annual pinch of salt in the wound.
-For those who don’t have any irritating, cynical lefties in their lives, you may not be informed once a year that our modern day notions of Santa Claus were invented by the Coca-Cola company in the 1930s as an advertising ploy. It’s a brave move trying to market soda with an elderly, fat, ruddy-faced, bearded man who squeezes into your home at night and messes around with your children’s socks, but I think the people at Coca-Cola are getting by okay.
-Ultimately, Christmas ain’t about getting drunk in red and white hats, throwing tantrums over Marc Jacobs bags or eating a fuck-ton of defenseless turkey. It doesn’t even have to be about Jesus (he was born in September, apparently). If anything, it’s a time to practice universal benevolence and be nice to others, which is something I try to practice every day, and so should you, you cocksuckers. So, with regard to Christmas and its Santa Hats, I’ll refer you to the words of another hat-wearing sellout, Flava Flav, and advise that you ‘don’t believe the hype’.
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