-I am punished annually for my commitment to animal welfare with nut roast, a depressing alternative to Christmas turkey.
-I don't know who came up with this bright idea. Unlike the tasty bird cadaver that everyone else is guzzling, it seems that vegetarians have to put up with a meal that tastes like a Tracker bar swimming in vegetable stock.
-I might as well satiate my appetite by gnawing on the shit-flecked bristles of a toilet brush, for all the enjoyment I get out of Christmas dinner. But I'm thankful for it all the same, and wish Christ a happy birthday.
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